i keep doing this to myself and i don’t even know why what for what am i trying to prove
i don’t understand my own extreme escapist behaviour
i hate it
i don’t hate myself. i just hate this part of myself. i wish i could change but i’m just so stuck in this same goddamn cycle there is barely anything – stress, risk of failing, peer pressure, etc. – that can motivate me to get me to be PRODUCTIVE. my breaks last waaaaayyyy longer than my actual working time.
and 1 out of 3 times, i regret it.
when i was younger i was all “i don’t regret ever!” like i was sooooo kool and all dat
but f*ck man, i’m sick of denying it. i’m sick of myself.