and then i shot myself in the heart

my inaction, my folly, my fault

ridiculous, imaginary,Ā unreasonable

it’s so silly. i’m so silly. i literally set myself up for, let myself into, got myself stuck in this trap. all by myself. i did it by myself. and now i’m by myself.

i’m not lonely, oh no, that’s not what i’m saying. i’m saying i tricked myself into a fantasy without real world input for years.Ā YEARS. and now my heart aches.

And he doesn’t even know.

Not his inaction, not his folly, not his fault.

Oh, how my heart aches.

i’m such a fool. haha.

just a fool

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teasing

it’s suffocating me.

“so you have a boyboy already? šŸ˜‰ ”

*denies*

*everyone in the room laughs*

wtf i’m so uncomfortable with

  1. being assumed to like whoever they were talking about based onĀ something innocent
  2. people thinking it’s okay to tease other people about relationships when the actions leading to the false assumptionĀ could plausibly be misinterpreted as such, so it’s difficult to deny
  3. automatically assuming i like boys. like wtf. if you were straight and i accused you of liking someone of the same gender, you’d feel a little queasy. same goes for a homosexual and accusing them of liking someone of the opposite gender. first thing that shoots through my mind? “ew.” I like neither gender, holy crap just leave me alone.

i hate it. i hate the teasing, the false assumptions, the heteronormativity. i want to cry.